Loving someone you can’t have is an age-old theme in poetry, one that resonates deeply with anyone who has ever felt the pang of unrequited love or the ache of longing for someone beyond reach. From the classical to the modern, poets have expressed the complexity of desire, passion, and heartbreak when love is unfulfilled. The notion of unattainable love stirs deep emotions and offers rich ground for poetic exploration, often delving into themes of yearning, longing, melancholy, and the inevitability of distance.
In this article, we will explore twelve remarkable poems that portray the heartache and beauty of loving someone who is out of reach. Through the analysis of these poems, we will uncover the nuances of this universal experience, the poetic devices employed, and the emotional depth conveyed through words.
1. “When You Are Old” by William Butler Yeats
William Butler Yeats’ “When You Are Old” is a powerful reflection on unrequited love. Written to his beloved Maud Gonne, Yeats speaks of a love that will never be reciprocated in the way he desires. He imagines a future where Maud is old and looking back on her life, and he hopes she will remember his love.
“When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.”
Yeats’ speaker expresses a love that transcends physical attraction, focusing instead on the deeper, soulful connection. The lover’s pain is evident in the contrast between the fleeting nature of beauty and the enduring nature of the soul’s love. Yeats employs imagery of aging and the passage of time, symbolizing the unattainability of the love he desires. Despite the inevitability of distance, the speaker’s love remains steadfast, marking the sorrow of loving someone who does not return that love in the same way.
2. “Sonnet 29” by William Shakespeare
In Sonnet 29, Shakespeare explores the pain of feeling inferior and unworthy of someone’s love. The speaker experiences a sense of isolation and despair, lamenting his misfortune and his inability to attain the affection of his beloved.
“When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur’d like him, like him with friends possess’d,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least.”
The speaker of this sonnet is consumed by feelings of inadequacy and the desire to be someone else, someone more deserving of the love he craves. The pain of unattainable love is evident as the speaker compares himself to others and longs for qualities he believes will bring him the affection he desires. The sonnet shifts toward a more hopeful tone, however, when the speaker remembers the love of his beloved, which is the only thing that lifts him from his despair. This poem conveys how love can remain unattainable, yet provide solace even in the midst of emotional turmoil.
3. “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot
T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” is a dramatic monologue filled with self-doubt and yearning. The speaker, Prufrock, is paralyzed by fear and insecurity, unable to express his feelings for the woman he desires. He contemplates his inadequacy, ultimately resigning himself to the idea that he is unworthy of love.
“In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?”
Eliot’s speaker is paralyzed by his inability to connect with others, particularly the woman he loves. The recurring imagery of eyes, pinned and wriggling, symbolizes Prufrock’s sense of being trapped in his own insecurities. He cannot escape the judgment of others or the limitations he places on himself. His unattainable love is not merely the woman herself, but his own inability to express his feelings, trapped by his self-imposed barriers. The poem explores the emotional and psychological complexities of love and self-doubt, offering a poignant portrayal of a love that remains out of reach due to the speaker’s internal struggles.
4. “A Red, Red Rose” by Robert Burns
In “A Red, Red Rose,” Robert Burns explores the theme of love through the metaphor of a rose. While the speaker expresses his undying love, there is a sense of separation between the two lovers, as if the speaker cannot fully attain the object of his affection.
“O my Luve’s like a red, red rose
That’s newly sprung in June;
O my Luve’s like the melodie
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.”
Burns compares love to a red rose, symbolizing both beauty and fragility. The reference to a melody further intensifies the sense of unattainability, as the lover seems distant, like a beautiful, unreachable tune. Despite the sweetness of the metaphor, the rose, though vibrant, eventually wilts, suggesting that even love at its peak is fleeting. There is a sense that this love, though intense and passionate, is doomed to remain out of reach, an idealized love that cannot be fully realized in reality.
5. “I Cannot Dance, O Love” by Agha Shahid Ali
Agha Shahid Ali’s “I Cannot Dance, O Love” poignantly captures the struggle of loving someone who cannot return that love. The speaker is overwhelmed by an intense passion, yet recognizes the impossibility of fulfilling that longing.
“I cannot dance, O Love, I cannot dance,
I wait for you in a room full of endless stars.
If you come, the world will spin like the moon
And it will dance with me.”
Shahid Ali’s use of celestial imagery reflects the speaker’s intense longing. He imagines a world where love is possible, where the dance of life and love can come to fruition. However, the use of the phrase “I cannot dance” highlights the inability to express or achieve this love. The stars and the moon offer a sense of distant, unreachable beauty, mirroring the unattainability of the lover. The poem speaks to the pain of unfulfilled desire, as the speaker remains in a state of waiting, unable to change the course of his fate.
6. “The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe
“The Raven” is one of Edgar Allan Poe’s most famous works, delving into the theme of mourning and unattainable love. The speaker, grieving the loss of his beloved Lenore, is confronted by a mysterious raven that seems to mock his sorrow.
“Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.”
In “The Raven,” the speaker’s grief over the death of his beloved becomes the central focus of the poem. The raven, with its repeated refrain of “Nevermore,” symbolizes the unattainability of the speaker’s love, as he will never again experience the presence of Lenore. The bird represents both the finality of death and the unrelenting nature of loss, which haunts the speaker throughout the poem. Through this haunting, Poe explores the idea that love can be eternal in memory, but the actual fulfillment of that love is forever out of reach.
7. “Love After Love” by Derek Walcott
In “Love After Love,” Derek Walcott explores the idea of self-love and the bittersweet realization that love, in its most intimate form, can be elusive. The speaker invites the reader to recognize the beauty of self-acceptance after the painful realization of unattainable external love.
“The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome.”
Walcott’s poem suggests a sense of reunion, not with an external lover, but with the self. The speaker points to a moment of acceptance after the pain of unattainable love, implying that self-love can be the ultimate resolution to longing. This poem reflects the difficulty of loving someone outside of oneself when the greatest love lies within. There is a profound sense of healing in embracing one’s own worth, even after the heartbreak of unrequited or unattainable love.
8. “Lovesong of the Square Root of Minus One” by Linda Pastan
Linda Pastan’s poem delves into the paradox of loving something intangible and impossible. The speaker struggles with the fact that their love cannot be fully realized, existing only in the realm of the abstract.
“I loved you like an algebraic equation,
but I knew from the start
that your solution could never be found.”
Pastan uses mathematical imagery to explore the idea of unattainable love. The algebraic equation symbolizes a relationship that is impossible to solve, a love that exists but cannot be fully comprehended or realized. The speaker acknowledges the futility of seeking a solution, highlighting the painful recognition that the love they feel cannot be returned or realized in the way they wish.
9. “Unrequited Love” by Christina Rossetti
In “Unrequited Love,” Christina Rossetti captures the essence of loving someone who does not reciprocate that love. The speaker expresses both the pain and the beauty of unrequited love, finding solace in the memory of a love that was never truly returned.
“I loved you, and it was all in vain,
And if you knew, you would have turned away,
But for me, love’s sweet song was ever true.”
Rossetti’s poem is a stark exploration of unrequited love, where the speaker acknowledges the futility of their feelings but also the beauty in loving deeply. The speaker recognizes that the object of their affection never felt the same, but they continue to treasure the love they offered. The poem underscores the pain of loving someone who can never return that love, yet it also celebrates the purity of the emotion.
10. “The End of the Affair” by Graham Greene
In “The End of the Affair,” Graham Greene explores the theme of unattainable love in the context of an affair that has ended. The speaker reflects on the relationship with longing and regret, knowing that what was once possible is now lost.
“I want you to believe that I loved you,
But the world can never believe such a thing.
It was always too much to hope.”
Greene’s prose poetry reflects the complexity of unattainable love, where the speaker’s feelings are overshadowed by the impossibility of fully realizing them. The sense of loss is palpable, but there is also an understanding that the love was never meant to last. This bittersweet acknowledgment is a common theme in works dealing with unattainable love, where the love itself becomes a beautiful but painful memory.
11. “I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You” by Pablo Neruda
Pablo Neruda’s “I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You” reflects the contradictory nature of love. The speaker wrestles with the paradox of loving someone yet feeling alienated from them.
“I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to forgetting you.
I am in love with you.”
Neruda’s poem captures the internal conflict of loving someone who is both loved and unattainable. The paradoxical nature of the speaker’s emotions speaks to the complexity of unattainable love, where affection can exist even in the face of distance and separation. The poem’s repetitive structure mirrors the cyclical nature of the speaker’s emotional state, constantly shifting between love and pain.
12. “Loving You Is Like Coming to Terms with Forever” by James Kavanaugh
James Kavanaugh’s poem portrays the experience of loving someone who is both distant and unreachable. It captures the emotional struggle of reconciling the reality of unattainable love with the desire to hold onto the feelings.
“Loving you is like coming to terms with forever,
with something that exists but will never be reached.”
Kavanaugh’s poem speaks to the endless nature of unattainable love. The comparison of love to “forever” emphasizes the perpetual nature of longing, where the object of affection remains out of reach despite the intensity of feeling. The poem offers a raw, unflinching look at the nature of loving someone who cannot be attained, capturing the paradoxical beauty of this emotion.
Conclusion
The theme of loving someone you can’t have is a powerful and enduring subject in poetry. From Shakespeare’s heartache to Neruda’s paradox, each of these poems explores the complexities of unattainable love with sensitivity and depth. The pain of longing, the beauty of love unfulfilled, and the emotional depth of such relationships are themes that have transcended time and continue to resonate with readers. Through their vivid imagery and poignant expressions, these poets allow us to connect with the universal experience of loving someone beyond reach, capturing the delicate balance between desire and despair.
